i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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