Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
