Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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