why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
