went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
