I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize