We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
