On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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