The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
