somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
