I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize