goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
