you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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