well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
