This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
