why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
