Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
