I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
