atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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