just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
