He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just puked most of my soul out..
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