I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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