omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
