what day is it and did you see me today?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
