why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Randomize
