Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
