It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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