I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
