Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
