People in love make me want to vomit
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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