woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I need a beard to bite.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
