I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
