Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
