oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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