Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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