he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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