guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
