I accidentally burped into my bong.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
