But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
