UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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