That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
