You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
