This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The uberlube is also flammable
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
