I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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