saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
