the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
