New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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