Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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