If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
