wanna go halves on a baby?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
