We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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