I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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