Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
