Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
