I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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