things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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