you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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