did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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