I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
