I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
