This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Someone came in the potted fern
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
