She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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