My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
