JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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