I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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