remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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