i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize