she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
