Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
