Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
