my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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