Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
