All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
