Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Randomize
