I think I won the penis lottery.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
