OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
