Porn is love you can see.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
