so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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