I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
