Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Boobs are out for the taking
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
