Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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