i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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