Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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