just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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