i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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