So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
