im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
