I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
