like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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