Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
