Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Randomize
