I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
