Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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