In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
