3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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