I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
