Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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