ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
