haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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