just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
