she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You can't special order awesome
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
