I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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