this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
