But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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