She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
