I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
