I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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