she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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