Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
