Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
