I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize