the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
