i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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