I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
