Sponge bath it is.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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