I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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