if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
