Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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