I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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