At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I supernannyed him into submission
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
