In the future we'll all be gay
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
