I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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