dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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