Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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