So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
