I want to stick my p in your. b.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
